First post / Back to square one

Assalamu'alaikum! I am here to restate my thesis statement. LOL. I have an assignment and presentation due in 2 days and I'm still only halfway through... Hence the thesis thing.. but it's true. I'm here to restate my thesis statement, to renew my intentions.

At the beginning of 2014, I made a resolution or more like a life changing decision to never listen to music ever again for the sake of Allah. I survived a year without listening to music! I even memorized a lot of surahs of the Qur'an. Alhamdulillah... BUT recently, I've gone back to my old ways. It saddens me to type this but I know that I have to admit it first before I can even repent.

I started listening to one song on repeat at first... Then a few songs on repeat, while studying! And then, I had even downloaded a few songs onto my phone, made a youtube playlist and literally listened to those songs whenever I could! The worse part, I recently discovered a new genre of music, which is worse than kpop... (I was a huge kpop fan 2 years ago.) Not gonna state which genre though. So.. yeah, that happened.

I came across a picture on twitter while I was listening to the music this afternoon (picture below). I immediately stopped and switched to listening to Qur'an recitation! I have realized that my soul is weak... I can't control my nafs (desires). But I also have this fear in me... What if I really end up singing songs in my death bed instead of reciting the Shahadah? I cannot imagine that... I don't want that to happen! 

So now my goal is to fight against my bad nafs. I will try my best, with the help of Allah, to gain control over my nafs. It's going to be hard but I will try! For now, I don't have any plans on how to do this other than just resist clicking on a video to watch / listen to a song. Also, I need to recite this dua more often. I can't find the dua online but I know which dua I'm talking about so I don't need to put it down. This post is just a reminder for myself that I need to start over...

So I guess it's back to square one? May Allah help me and those struggling through this difficulty. Ameen! Allah Hafiz!

ps: I drafted this more than a week ago. I've submitted all of my assignments already. Hah...