Turning 20

Assalamu'alaikum! It's the time of the year once again! The time where I turn a year older. This year I'm turning 20 in about 5 days. Two decades old. Wow... I remember my 10 year old birthday gathering at my grandmother's house like it happened just yesterday. It was one of my best birthdays. 10 years have passed, SubhanAllah. 

It just hit me that I'm actually 20 years old this year. I'm growing so fast. I'm becoming an adult. Am I the adult that I had envisioned myself to be when I was 12? Hmm... I don't think so. When I was 12, I couldn't wait to turn 18. I wanted to be a journalist. Look at me now. I'm 20 and I'm a student-teacher. It's not that I dislike my life at the moment, it's just that I didn't see myself here. 

Reminds me of the Quran verse "(t)hey plan and Allah plans and Allah is The Best of Planners." (8:30)

I feel like my life is about to change now that I am about to turn 20. The biggest change that I'm expecting is marriage. You must be thinking, I only just turned 20 and I'm thinking of marriage already? I must be desperate or something. Well, no. People around me, especially my mother has been talking to me about marriage since I turned 18! Every week the topic of marriage comes up at least once! I'm not the desperate one, my family are. At least they soon will be. 

Yes, soon my parents are going to start searching for my future husband. Whether I want them to or not. It's a cultural thing. Indians are known for their arranged marriages. Besides, Muslims aren't actually allowed to date so I guess arranged marriage is the ideal way to go. It's not really a bad thing... It only becomes bad when people confuse the word 'arranged' with 'forced'. 

Forced marriages are when the girl or guy or both are given no say in choosing their spouse. Their parents select someone and you will get married to that stranger. That is scary. Arranged marriages are when both parties have a say in the search for a spouse. They are given the freedom to reject or accept whoever they want. The parents' only job is to source for potentials and arrange for family meetings. 

As for my parents, I can't say for sure that they are not going to force me into a marriage. My mother often mentions that she wants me married by the age of 24. If not, I'll "have to marry whoever she picks". So I guess I'll probably have a say in choosing a spouse until I turn 24. 

However, if my mother ever forces me into marriage (no matter what age), I'll start whipping out all the Islamic rulings and hadiths and everything else and show it to her. Heck, I'll even print everything out or buy the book that speaks against forced marriages! If Allah's plan is for me to marry after I turn 24, then that is the best thing for me. Not even my mother can stop that. 

Anyways, the sound of marriage scares me a bit. It's such a big responsibility and I don't even know how to cook yet. I'm definitely not ready and I don't think I will ever be. Lol

The funny thing is, the people around me are way more excited to see me get married than I am myself. My cousin gets super hyped just thinking of becoming one of the bridesmaids for my wedding. She's really sweet though! Haha.. My sister, she can't wait for me to move out so that she can have the room to herself. If I were her, I'd be excited too. My grandmother, ya Allah, she wants to be the first among her sisters to have a great-grandchild! *Rolls eyes* 

I guess, I shall not think of all this now. It's stressing me out. LOL It's probably best to focus on myself and my relationship with Allah. You know the saying, "You wouldn't know how to love others if you don't know how to love yourself first and you wouldn't know how to love yourself if you don't learn to love Allah first." (I don't know where I heard that from, by the way)

So my focus should be to develop a stronger relationship with Allah as well as personal development. Marriage can come when it is time and when is that? Only Allah knows. Insha'Allah. For now, I'm kind of looking forward to turning 20, even though there's not going to be a difference. 

Anyways, happy advanced birthday to me! Salam~